Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Sparklemob's The Players Handbook.

I am/was part of a group called Sparklemob and together we wrote this short story called "The Players Handbook" so enjoy. Please do not claim this as you own work. It is copyright protected.

The player's handbook, well that's every girl's best friend and every guy's worst nightmare. You see it gives away important details about being a guy who is a player. To really understand the player's handbook you have to know and understand the definition of a player. You can't just google for the definition of a player because ,well, lets's face it you got football players, basketball players, you got the movie The Players, it's also an acting term; so you see have to really understand the true meaning of a Player dating wise. Let's start with the definition, quite simple if you ask me.

Player (n): an individual skilled at sexual seduction, One who actively seeks out sexual partners and carries on a number of sexual affairs at the same time.

You may also find places that refer to it as a slang word, in reality, it's like slut, whore, or skank only for a guy. Now, you could be thinking well wouldn't he just be a man-whore? The answer is No. There is a clear difference between Player and Man-Whore. A man-whore is a guy who is like a prostitute aka gigolos, hustlers, and call-boys. Whatever you do, don't get the two mixed up. This handbook is going to strictly focus on a player not a man-whore.

There are several characteristics of a player that really should throw a neon sign out there, but for some reason we miss them. Maybe its the lines they throw at us but its more than likely the smokin' hot body that blinds us. And ironically, that is the first characteristic of a player....

1. The player is always smokin' hot and knows how to work it to their advantage. And because of this......generally they will rip off their shirt at the drop of a hat!! Honestly, how can we miss this as an obvious sign of a player??

2. Smooth.....painfully smooth. The lines that they spout off at the drop of a hat would mesmurize a top of the class havard graduate and make her forget her name. And i'm not talking about lines like "did it hurt when you fell from heaven??" Their lines are trickier and we never realize they are lines until after its way too late.

3. You're their one and only:
players tend to make girls feel like they are "their one and only" they spoil them with romance, whisper all the sweet nothings that we all want to hear, and make us girls feel like no one in the world can take our place. sometimes they may even go as far as showing us signs that they want to spend their lives with us and that their is a great future ahead.

4: Nicknames
Every been called a baby, sweetheart, or doll. For players its not out of affection is because they don't want to call you the wrong name. It is simple easier to use terms like baby and sweetheart. Now, sometimes it is out of affection but not all the time. For an example of a player using these terms watch the movie John Tucker Must Die

5. They make you believe anything you say:
Some players find ways to lure you into their love and once they know that they got you then they use it to your advantage. They blind you with saying they will promise things will get better or that they never intend to hurt you. With their luring words they will find a way to hook you in on every word that they say. Sometimes if they are playing so good they'll make you think they love you even if they don't. Once they know your hooked they could make the relationship last week, maybe months, even years and you not know. Some are just that cruel. But if things don't go the way they hope they'll dump you in an instant and leave you hurt, heartbroken and scarred. If your strong make sure you have the wit to play the game because sometimes it takes two to tango and you might have a chance at beating them at their own game.

6. Met his friends yet?
Haven't met his friends after six months? How bad. One obvious sign is he keeps saying "Next week" and then next week, he goes "next week". He DEFINITELY has another girlfriend his friends already know about. You're just his bit on the side- however much he's telling you he "loves" you.

7. Secret phone calls:
Players are of course going to have more then one girl calling them, sometimes you may be out on a date, or sitting one night watching a movie and his phone goes off, he immediately looks at it and then presses ignore. When you ask who it was he replies "Oh nobody, just some friends" and then will change the subject by cuddling closer, or kissing you. Sometimes you may also be in the middle of a phone conversation and his other line will go off, he tells you hold on a minute and answers the other line, when he comes back he tells you "Sorry, just some friends trying to get a hold of me" and then continues on with the conversation you were having. If this becomes constant and you never get an idea of who is calling him, it's probably more then likely another girl.

8. Always Gotta Keep It Hush Hush:
Players always have some sort of excuse as to why you can't tell others you are dating each other. Everything about you relationship is always Hush Hush. The player will always have that one excuse as to why nobody can know you and him are seeing each other. The whole relationship is one big SECRET.

9.Relationship? Guilt Trip:
A player will always be about an unspoken bond or something special, but never about a relationship. He always wants YOU to feel special, like you're the one for him.The whole dating thing was your idea that way in the end you feel guilty that he cheated on you. Makes you feel like you did something wrong. Everything in the arrangement is about you. Never about him its all part of his guilt trip he cheated plan.

Now let us get into some types of players:
here is several different types of players, but they all have the essential characteristics listed above.

Type 1: "dorky best friend didn't see him coming from a mile away"
This is the most rare and hardest to spot player and undeniably the most effective. He is sensitive, caring, supportive, and usually comes across as not very put together....a bit dorkyish and boyish. Of course he's hot, but acts as if he is the furtherest thing from it. He will see the chick-flick you've talked about for months and keeps his eyes on you when a dropped dead gorgeous model type passes by. But thats just the very core of his game. He gains your trust, love, and 99.9 % of the time full and complete access to your bed. He will even more than likely make you think that you made the first move. And because you are their "best friend" they have a "special" ring tone for your phone number, usually your favorite song!!

Type 2: The "OMG he really did exist i was beginning to think i imagined him"
He is the sort that blows in like a whirlwind and never sticks around for very long. There's always a long drawn out explaination and he is so amazing in bed that you immediately forgive him and forget why it was that you were mad at him in the first place. There will always be a promise that this will be the last time he leaves but by next week he will have yet again disappeared.

Type 3:"okay obviously he's a player but good gawd LOOK AT HIM"
Okay we've all known this type and more than likely we've all hooked up with them, just once. They are too hard to resist. We tell ourselves no one will ever find out and justify it "rationally" once we've seen them shirtless. He knows he's hot, beyond gifted in bed, and doesn't even know the definetion of the word commitment and admittedly, we don't care. Reference the song "dirty little secret" by all american rejects.

Type 4 " Across the room he locks eyes with you.....and her and her and her"
You see him from across the room, ten to one its a bar. He has his hair pulled back in a loose pony tail, black leather jacket, and perfect fitting jeans. He's staring at you but what you don't realize is.....he is looking at you along with three other girls across the room. By the end of the night he will have gotten all four of your numbers and none of you realize the others exist. I bet you fifty bucks he rode a motorcycle too!!

Type 5 "Nothing is to expensive for you...especially since its my parents bank account"
He drives a fancy little sports car, wears designer clothes and pays for everything. You've never actually seen him go to work, thats cause he doesn't have a job, he's got mommy and daddy! He thinks more is better which is why he secretly has 10 "girlfriends" and he "loves" all of you, as long as you don't find out about each other.....then he doesn't know who that other girl is. Your best friend was dating him too, wasn't she??

Type 6 "Sympathy Seeker"
He's the type that will call you at 2am crying on the phone, asking if he can stop by because he needs someone to talk to and your the only one who understands. He constantly needs your shoulder to cry on and does it so well, that you actually feel bad for him sympathize with every word that leaves his lips. When its all said and done and he doesn't call for a few days, you figure he is just "getting over" what was upsetting him, when truthfully he's "getting over it" in bed with another girl. Registered & Protected


  1. gawd i forgot all about this..........why didn't we finish it?? oh and its me lion haha

  2. Cheryl I love how you still call yourself Lion. I think any chance of us getting caught is long over. LOL. We need to finish it.


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